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What I want to be when I grow up

August 3, 2010

You have probably seen by now the two pictures of me below.  My adventure into faceinhole.com was inspired by my friend Wendy at Herding Cats in Hammond at http://writerwoman61.wordpress.com.

As you can see, there are two very different sides of me.  I was a little nervous about putting up myself as a goddess or sex kitten, self #2, as I really never aspired to that, except perhaps to have blond hair.  However, at 64, I’m allowed to aspire to anything I want.  And as I lose the shape and firmness of my own body, i.e. as gravity does its thing on me, I will tell you that when I grow up, I shall wear purple and look just like self #2.  I may, however, keep all this gorgeous flesh hidden under the tidy robes of self # 1.  I am still a tad bit shy and modest.  But, I will know it’s there, and that gives me all the power and pride I want or need.  Oooo-la-la-honey!

So I will not eschew self #2.  I will embrace her — I —I— will embrace her — only me!! Get it?  And I will accept her largess and lusciousness, as I walk softly through the halls of my cloister, humming to myself.   But I will know . . . Yes, I will know, that I am not alone in my cell.  And I will know what I could do, if I  wantoned to.

(I had no idea that these pictures would be sooooo large!)

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. August 3, 2010 5:52 pm

    Yes, they were an eye full! 🙂 Luved them. As you know, pic #2 is what you will look like (if you choose to) when you get home!

    Arlene

  2. August 3, 2010 5:56 pm

    Only if I can keep her under wraps. I’m really rather fond of self #1. However, being post-menopausal, the heat of a habit would be too much for me. I’d have to come out of it sometime! That’s when the streaker comes in! We can do it all, can’t we!

    Thanks, Arlene. I need to be careful what I wish for!!!

  3. August 3, 2010 6:17 pm

    Ah…the “real” Nancy comes out…I love it!

    Wendy

    • August 3, 2010 9:50 pm

      Thanks, Wendy. I knew the real me must be in here somewhere!

  4. planejaner permalink
    August 4, 2010 12:23 pm

    Why can’t sexuality be holy? Or, HOT be heavenly? I am all for the glorious, luscious, zaftig blonde…if only because I know that holy can live inside of sexuality…since that’s how we were made…
    I have struggled with this most of my life. I am curvy and blonde…sometimes people can’t see past that–and, it’s not like I am Marilyn Monroe, but sometimes people only see what they want to…they can’t see the God in me, because they see something else.
    anyway, I am having a hard time putting words to my gossamer thoughts, here, but…I tried.

    blessings
    jane

    • August 4, 2010 5:06 pm

      Wow! Thank you, Jane. I think you did a wonderful job speaking your thoughts. Our bodies and our sexuality is holy — but we women particularly, have been prey to the prurient lusts of our male counterparts. Rather than luxuriating in our voluptuousness, we’ve been made to feel dirty or cheap. Jeez louise! If I show it, I’m flaunting it, and it’s going to cause salivation and erection, and panting, and drooling, and crude remarks, and grabbing, and fondling, and blame for being a tease. I can’t help it if my udders grew to provide milk for my children, nor that my hips widened to provide me ease of blessed childbirth. Those are sacred purposes for this flesh bag I call home.

      I heard you, Jane, and I realized as I was writing that I was really pissed off at the defamation that has been done to our female bodies for centuries — centuries. I learned of this on my retreat in February, but I just listened. I didn’t allow myself to react.

      Oh, boy, I feel a blog coming on, but this will take time to write. I’ve first got to tame my pissedoffedness so I can be true and honest and compassionate, not only to myself, but to the perpetrators of these centuries-old travesties.

      Oh, Jane, you really got me started. I’m so sorry that you’ve struggled for so long. I, as a member of my former husband’s “itty bitty titty” club never really worried until I had children. After my divorce, he chucked me under one breast and inquired, “Where did you get these?” I laughed, and replied, “Eat your heart out, bud!” His dream, he once told me, was to be smothered in two enormous breasts. Well, not mine, bud! But, I’ll happily smother you with a pillow! Oh, yes, I’m pissed.

      We’ve been divorced for 30 years! I obviously have some letting go to do. 😦

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