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Things I Would Never Do for All the Money in the World

July 16, 2010

My friend Wendy at Herding Cats in Hammond wrote an entry this morning that I was unable to comment on, much less, I thought, create my own list.  I all of a sudden, became very shy–actually intimidated. Wendy’s humor and creativity was hard to follow. “I can’t possibly follow THAT!” I said to myself as I shrunk from my keyboard and closed her post.  Then, my friend Jane at PlaneJaner’s Journey wrote her own version of Wendy’s idea. Equally charming and fun, yet 100% Jane.  She didn’t try to be Wendy; she just responded to her good idea.  Well, intimidation be d****d! The gauntlet has been thrown. I can’t just sit here mute.  I have to try my own version.  A me version.  Well . . .

I’m not particularly tempted by all the tea in China, and although Seattle’s coffee is the very best, I don’t really want to live the rest of my life with no sleep.  But, I can be bought.  Easily.  For some things.  But not all, I discovered.  Putting this spin on the challenge helped me to realize that for all the money in the world  I would never:

  1. Become a Republican.
  2. Vote for Sarah Palin — for anything.  I’m sure she’s a very nice lady, but . . . I think she’s an idiot.  (Is that too judgmental?  Ask the turkey.)
  3. Watch a reality show, except for chef challenges.  I love them!
  4. Take Meth.  However, if it were legal, I might smoke a joint or two.  If, I repeat, it were legal.
  5. Talk to my in-laws about politics or religion.
  6. Watch Glen Beck or Bill O’Reilly or Fox News or listen to Rush Limbaugh.
  7. Kill myself, unless I were forced to do #1, 2, or 6.
  8. Get a boob job even though less sag and a little lift would be nice.
  9. Wear a girdle again. Let it roll,baby!
  10. Get a face lift.  I earned every wrinkle and I’m proud of them.  I love that leathery, lined, outdoorsy look.
  11. Dye my hair.  Been there, done that, and I refuse to be slave to my roots.

There are probably more, but this got me to thinking about other ways to look at the challenge.

Things I wish I could do, without the enticement of money:

  1. Never, ever, ever have to wear a bra again.
  2. Go everywhere barefooted.
  3. Travel 3 months a year, though I think money would help.
  4. Eat without getting fatter.
  5. Diet without being hungry or having to exercise.

Things I might do:

  1. Skydive
  2. Bungy jump
  3. Never, ever, ever wear a bra again.
  4. Streaking might be fun, if it came back in vogue.

Things I wish I could do over again:

  1. Be a more tolerant mom.  Thank God I’m getting a second chance with my grandboys.
  2. Have carefree, fun times with my daughters and son, like I’m having with my grandboys.

Things I wish I would never ever do again:

  1. Keep silent in the face of overt racism, sexual and cultural slurs or homophobia.
  2. Contribute to the destruction of our natural resources by my addictive consumerism.
  3. Cause another to be hungry or to suffer for any reason whatsoever.
  4. Be critical of or cruel to another out of my own lack of self worth.
  5. Be bitchy.
  6. Be (act) sanctimonious or better-than-thou.
  7. Never, ever, ever have to wear a bra again.

I’m sure I’ll think of additions to these lists.  But I loved the exercise once I got over being timid.  I suppose the best way to approach being shy about something is to ask myself, “Now how can I do this thing MY WAY!”


Now, doesn't that look fun????

15 Comments leave one →
  1. planejaner permalink
    July 16, 2010 6:32 pm

    Nancy–all you. Funny!
    Love your spin, lady…
    great post.

  2. planejaner permalink
    July 16, 2010 6:34 pm

    oh, and…I am keeping my bras.
    so there.

    • July 17, 2010 9:04 am

      Be my guest. But I won’t be wearing them. If you feel more comfortable being strapped into a garment that I’m sure was designed by a man, that lifts and separates unnaturally, that chafes, squeezes, causes you to sweat, makes unsightly lines around your presumably beautiful breasts, AND that costs more than $45, go for it, girl.

      For me, I like swinging in the breeze–the jostle and bounce of freedom, the sag of bag and protrusion of tiny teats. Hanes tees are for me. Keep me in place, are more discreet than nothing, yet free to flop wherever I will.

  3. planejaner permalink
    July 16, 2010 6:35 pm

    Now, if I were a petite lass…that’s something else entirely…but sporting the kind of massive rack I do…well, let’s just say, that would not be pretty, let alone be comfortable.
    just sayin’

    • July 17, 2010 9:08 am

      I bet it would be lovely. But alas, you’re gorgeous, <60, and got the rest of your figure to flount those beauties. If I were you, I'd suffer a little longer, too. But one day, lass, one day. Never say never!

  4. planejaner permalink
    July 16, 2010 6:35 pm

    ok–I’m done now. 🙂

  5. July 16, 2010 6:53 pm

    Oh, Nancy…I don’t think you’re nearly as shy as you said you were…loved the photo!

    I’m with you on most of your “Never” list, except #3 (I like chef challenges, too, but I also love Amazing Race and So You Think You Can Dance), and #11 (I refuse to have grey hair).

    I love that you added new lists, too!

    I wish I’d never be bitchy again either, but I somehow think that’s unlikely!


  6. July 17, 2010 9:10 am

    After your post on the gorgeous choreography in So You Think YOu Can Dance, I’m wondering if I should expand my horizons. Is that usual to see such beauty? Or is it once in a blue moon? Perhaps I can catch that particular episode on my computer and save myself from having to watch the whole series. Whatcha think?

    • July 17, 2010 12:13 pm

      I usually watch the Wednesday shows (the elimination shows are on Thursday, but I find them depressing). The show has been going for seven years, and I have been moved to tears several times by the beauty of the dancing. They also do lots of different styles of dance, and use a variety of music (one of the routines last week was a jive routine done to Meatloaf’s “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” – and it worked!). The judges really try to give constructive criticism – not like Simon Cowell on American Idol – “That was absolutely dreadful!” (pompous ass!).

      The kids this season are all really great dancers, and don’t seem to be full of themselves. I like them all!


      • July 17, 2010 2:58 pm

        Thanks, Wendy. I’ll try to catch it and see if it catches me.

  7. Tom permalink
    July 20, 2010 8:57 am

    To quote a title from a somewhat silly movie “Never Say Never” and I can’t imagine you wearing anyone else’s bta/

    • July 20, 2010 1:52 pm

      Welcome to my world, Tom. I didn’t think of who all might be lurking. I get the “t” and “a”, but what’s the “b” for? Is that a guy thing? Must have been a shocker for you. When I think of possibly prancing around a-la-la I visualize an anonymous crowd. I forget that there might be someone who knows me in the audience. Well, if I’m going to be real on this blog, that’s the chance I take.

      Everyone, may I introduce you to my OLD high school sweetheart! Now, you’re not anonymous either.

      I notice that you didn’t comment on my politics.

  8. Tom permalink
    July 21, 2010 7:51 am

    ” I notice that you didn’t comment on my politics ” = I may be OLD but I know a lost cause when I find one.

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