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Just dirtying a page

July 13, 2010

I have been reading my friends’ writings and having a ball. Now, I’ve almost run out of free time and have successfully sabotaged my own writing time. I really have enjoyed responding to blog entries, and that is writing, but it’s not the blank page staring me in the face that my own posting gives me.

I’ve been away from writing, and am wondering if I’ll always have to warm up each and everytime I break from my love.  I guess it’s like my relationship with Curt. We had a hiatus as I traveled to Idaho with the kids and Marcy, and one as I returned them to AZ. Even while they were here, we had very little together time.  So there was that looking into each other’s eyes to see if the person we remembered was still there.  Hmmm!  Is this shyness, this tentativeness, what I’m meeting on this page?  Is writing still able to fill me with passion as I remembered it? Am I still able to pull out words from the mists that seems so remote, so covered over with days of doing?

I had to force myself to start. Now it’s not so bad. Like being with an old friend. I forgot how good it feels to be here.

I wish I had written a travelog as I went, but the only stopping spaces were in motels with 2 boys jumping back and forth from bed to bed. When a park ranger asked Niko, the youngest, what his favorite part of Bryce Canyon was, he said, “Jumping on the beds!”  The ranger didn’t know what to say. I just shrugged. That’s my boy!  Needless to say, quiet was not an ingredient of our whole visit. But let me introduce you to the Noisemakers, and say, I’m the happiest Granna alive — had a ball, a blast, a lovey-dovey time. And, whew!  I’m back to the silence of my empty house. Thank you, Marcy, my darling, and my precious Grandboys, Drew and Nicholas, for a terrific summer.

The four of us

10 Comments leave one →
  1. tekia permalink
    July 13, 2010 4:14 pm

    I say yes. Each and everytime you break away from the love of anything ( in our cases, writing), you’ll have to warm up to it again. It’s the same thing with me. Whenever I take a break from writing, whenever I want to get back into, I have to warm up again. It can feel like the writing has left you and it hasn’t. I don’t think it ever really does. But what if because we have taken a break from our writing, our writing takes a break from us? Hmmm…. Thanks for the post.

    • July 13, 2010 7:55 pm

      I’m glad you told me this, Tekia. Interesting question about our writing taking a break from us. Worth some thought. Thanks for your insights.

  2. planejaner permalink
    July 13, 2010 4:17 pm

    when I came back to writing after New York and the wedding trip to Iowa, I felt like you…it was just…difficult to find my voice, to remember why it mattered…it was a challenge to put my finger on my flurrying, fleeting thoughts and try to capture them…or to even consider they were important.

    also, I think I write “more deeply” in the darker months…this summer stuff is making me much too happy… 🙂

    glad you are back…and I know you will warm up to your thoughts, and your honey, with alacrity.

    • July 13, 2010 7:58 pm

      I hadn’t really thought about why it matters that I write. I just know that it does. And — I want to write from my happiness. It’s so profound. I hope I can put it into words.

      Thank you for letting me know I’m OK with these feelings.

  3. July 13, 2010 5:03 pm

    You losing your ability to express yourself with words is like a day without sun. It is one of your greatest assets and portrays who you are. I would think for you it is like putting on a comfy pair of slippers or your favorite warm snuggy robe on a cold winter night. I enjoy your writing, thoughts and views on things. The boys are adorable! How they have grown! sounds like you had a wonderful trip and how special to spend time with your daughter at this age. And those boys will always remember thier summer trip with grandma. Keep on writing.

    • July 13, 2010 8:02 pm

      What a loving comment you wrote, my dear friend. You really encourage me to keep on. You’ll hear a lot more about the boys, I’m sure.

      I’ve been behind in my emails and just read this morning that Rhoneys are in Germany. Must write them. What a retirement! Funny thing! Curt just asked me if I’d be willing to retire to Ecuador or someplace like that. Of course, I said, “Sure!” We gypsies have difficulty taming the wanderlust, don’t we?

  4. July 13, 2010 5:53 pm

    It’s like I said to Jane one time: “Your public awaits!” There are people like us waiting for your wisdom (no pressure or anything, ha!)…


    • July 13, 2010 8:05 pm

      Wow, Wendy, thanks for your support and confidence in me! I surely hope I don’t disappoint you. I’m not going to succumb to pressure, though, as it’s going to come or not. I don’t think I have much of a say in the flowing. You’re a great friend.

  5. Stephen permalink
    July 15, 2010 1:33 am

    Interesting how our writing – or at least my writing – often emerges from stuff that just “appears”. I’ll be going along perfectly content, and something just jumps out at me, and I have to write about it. When I “try” to write quite often it is just a disaster. I push and pull, and nothing worthwhile emerges.

    I remember a time when I was traveling with seminary friends toward New Orleans, back in the distant 1970’s. We got to a little diner in the middle of Georgia after many many hours of driving from Princeton, New Jersey. We ordered breakfast, and when the food came on each plate was a nice little pile of grits. Among our crew was a man from Vermont who was mystified by this strange pile. He asked out waitress, an imposing black women, what the pile of “white stuff” was. She replied quickly by saying “Why honey, ‘dems grits!” Our friend answered, “I didn’t order grits.” To which the woman responded, “you don’t order grits, ‘de just comes.”

    So it is with writing, in most cases. It just comes. the spirit leads and suddenly there it is!
    and idea that must be shared.

    Blessings to you, and thanks for your words that emerge from your soul!


    • July 15, 2010 7:23 am

      What a wonderful story, Stephen! It’s the best. Thank you.

      Sometimes I wish I could drop everything and write about a little something that “just comes.” I’m starting to see a story in everything. I guess that’s because everything is Divine and I just want to make a joyful noise unto the Lord.

      The blessings definitely come in the sharing thereof. Like knowing you’re out there supporting me in my soul’s work.

      Thank you.

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