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Voyeur en voyage – the jist of it

April 29, 2010

Just got word from the vet:  Baby boy and baby girl born overnight! Woohoo! Only 1 overdue left, then back to normal- Ha!  There’s no such thing!

Yesterday, after responding to a note from PlaneJaner, I sat down to do my morning pages based on the thoughts I had while writing her.  Let’s see if I can give the jist of it.

I was writing about the point of doing morning pages (MPs) by hand rather than on the computer. I was thinking that if I blogged my MPs it would save me a lot of time, not having to retype, etc.  However, I realized that I would be missing the point of MPs, i.e. scraping off the detritus of my thoughts, giving myself a chance to dump, bitch, kvetch and think “outloud”, so to speak. I realized I’d be self-conscious if I wrote directly onto the blog, and I’d miss out on the intimacy of the MPs. When I write MPs, I am being just with myself–me and the blank page that used to intimidate me.

Now if I am in a receptive mood, I cherish being with my friends–myself and all the different personae that make up “me” and all those I’ve brought into my heart to cheer me along–Jane, crazyinthemaking, Wendy, Allison, Gretchen–some vocal, some silent watchers–a circle of women.

What do we have in common? First, we write, journal, whatever. Second, we think, contemplate, meditate, cogitate,  ruminate (What a peaceful pasttime, rumination. The pacas know how to relax and be).  We observe constantly. I think we sit on the edge of mindfulness with our feet dangling in the water. Sometimes we slide in and swim some laps, sometimes we submerge ourselves completely taking long graceful strokes without coming up for air until some need jerks us to the surface gulping. We are all of us more content breathing water. Sometimes we cannonball, just for the heck of it. Sometimes we dive from some springboard, shooting harpoonlike into depths .

This is the company I keep–women. Not one man among us, or at least not one who confesses his spying.  We are ourselves voyeurs. What a beautiful word voyeur– gazing.  Too bad it’s attracted so much bad press, like “eavesdropping” only worse because of the sexual connotation.

Voyeur – one who sees – one who has the capacity to gaze into a scene and see the truth. It’s close to voyage. ( I really prefer the French pronunciation – vwah yahj – vwah yur. Lovely on the back of the tongue, bottom lip downstroking the top teeth, lips curled out like a chimpanzee’s kiss.

(Ducks just flew by.)

To see what’s hidden, what’s too intimate to publish, too fragile to parade before the world. The tender shoots of our thoughts, the babies, the innocents, the first born that would be slaughtered if revealed, discovered, uncovered.

One must be a voyeur to voyage. Think of the glorious “trips” we take each day as we dabble in words, paint pictures with our pens or fingertips–fingerpainting. We put voice to the silence that gives us life. I live, therefore, I write. I write, therefore I live.

Yesterday I was so lethargic, so TIRED. and I gave voice (voyce?) to that fatigue and Voila’ (Voyla’?) I resurrected into vibrancy. My energy level shot up and my spirit took wing.

A thought just slipped away – water – like a butterfly or tiny moth. Water metaphor. I submerged myself in the act of writing. Dripping. Droplets sprinkled on the page. Water. Tears. Salt – the building blocks of creation. Out of salt water arose life.

The thoughts seep up to the surface. They are sometimes mists floating through my mind. Lazy, languishing or cool and awakening, yet hard to see through. I’m forcing this now. It’s like someone , a beautiful someone is waiting in the wings, offstage, whispering thoughts and words to me, in between the words I write. If I listen I can maybe catch them. Maybe. This beautiful Someone never leaves me, is so tender and joyous. Joyeux — jwuh oy ur.

This Someone – is it me or is it a disembodied writer seeking a medium? Is it a loving soul mentoring me and feeding me the vision he/she has of the other side where our sight is blurred by mists? Is the purpose to help me see the true Heaven on earth through my own eyes, uncluttered by obsession, compulsion, ego, selfishness, hatred, sin, etc?  The clear-seeing voyeur en voyage.  Hmmm. . .

Sunrising

Morning sun behind clouds

Nancy

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. planejaner permalink
    April 29, 2010 8:37 am

    gorgeous…my post yesterday/today came from the same Place…birthed out of our “conversation”…it’s interesting, this circle of women, how much we all share that is so similar, yet each of us, with our different perspectives, brings to the table a slightly different view…
    blessings on your day,
    fellow voyager, vouyeur and journeyer,
    jane

    • April 29, 2010 8:42 am

      Thank you, Jane, for your comment and for being you! And for being with me! And for knowing me. Nancy —– Original Message —–

  2. April 29, 2010 9:07 am

    Beautiful, Nancy…especially love your metaphor, ” lips curled out like a chimpanzee’s kiss.”

    I feel so fortunate to be included in yours and Jane’s circle of friends…indeed, we share so many common traits that it’s scary, and yet, we all have our own distinct voices!

    Your fellow “fingerpainter,”
    Wendy

    • April 29, 2010 9:11 am

      Thank you, Wendy. It is pretty amazing. Like Jane says, there are no coincidences. We are joined in a dance, or maybe better, a choir, yes! Singing harmony, counterpoint, and even sometimes dissonant, but we’re singing our hearts out — together.

      BTW, do you remember how much fun fingerpainting was? And how pretty it was no matter what you did? Nancy —– Original Message —–

  3. smalltownbiglife permalink
    April 30, 2010 10:53 pm

    Beautiful writing. And congrats on the new babies…

    Not only are we, who are writers, “voyeurs,” but tonight I am pleasantly reminded that those of us who are raising children, do so differently and our kids are, in my opinion, the better for it. My 11 y.o. is having a much belated sleepover tonight (so glad I have your blog to read tonight!) and I overheard him recite the “rules” of his sleepover…no television and no video games!

    If more of us took the time to observe, reflect, live in wholeness of our moments…that is the path the life of richness. Blessings to you. Love your blog.

    • May 1, 2010 7:19 am

      Thank you so much, biglife, for you comments. I think you summed Everything (with a capital E) up when you said, “If more of us took the time to observe, reflect, live in wholeness of our moments. . .that is the path, the life of richness.” I took the liberty to edit your sentence with the comma. I didn’t want to put in “to” because it IS the life of richness. There is no place to go. We’re already HERE in full, untainted, unchangeable, delectable, perfect richness if we live in the moment.

      So glad you and I are connected.
      Nancy

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